It was the worst of times, it was a hell of a fucking mess.
You may recall a moment of hope on November 7, 2020, that deep sigh from a weary world still on labored breath, lungs poxed by Covid and the constant inhale of angry, hot air. It was an election won by the masses, the side of right(s), both human and the being of it. America had dodged a bullet, and with it a chance to cure what ails us.
But in America, one dodged bullet does not ensure anything but another one coming. Trickling down is not a perfect concept, economic or otherwise, and good intentions at the top only mean deeper factions at the bottom, where seeds of hate have long been sewn and stupidity pushes through like loud weeds in the crack of a waylaid sidewalk.
We have allowed evil to fester in the ballot box, be it through ignorance, misplaced trust or willful apathy, and we have accoutred robes upon the consequences, albeit in a shade several times darker than those worn by their rabid base.
Meanwhile, wars are starting in places where battles never stopped, or possibly vice versa, the progress of humanity versus a sea of red hats and white hoods, a plethora of minions propping up their false idol, free of conscience and full of cheeseburgers, afraid of any race theory that isn’t about NASCAR. And despite his loss(es), their orange god remains hoisted with his own petard upon the tailgates and mantles of fanatical gun-fetishists and women-haters everywhere, just to the right of a framed Thomas Kinkade print and some guy on a cross whom they consistently mock with thoughts, prayers and cherry-picked interpretations.
It is a hard fight when one side insists on always playing fair and the other puts a fox news in every henhouse, the chickens cheering despite their collectively being clucked. Lies, hate, cheating, broken laws by those who write them, Hollywood has-beens and the never were, all screaming themselves to sleep on their very own pillow. It is The Handmaid’s Tale meets Idiocracy, a confederacy of dunces, emphasis on everything. It is people dying beneath the purposeful point of pocket-lined policy, and we are all the next that they are coming for, assuming you’ve made it this far.
Chances are, you haven’t.
Of course we are talking about women and the right to an abortion, but also anyone who can become pregnant, regardless of how they may identify, and to be even more specific, people of color, those with disabilities and the countless Americans who are chronically under-resourced in our society due to any number of traits that aren’t male and white.
I am a cisgendered, straight, able-bodied, middle class(ish), white man in America. And I am raising two more. What does Roe v. Wade have to do with me? Or for that matter, the next potential overturn targets of Lawrence v. Texas and Obergefell v. Hodges?
I mean, I’ve seen every movie Nic Cage has ever made about the constitution. I’m fine. This is fine.
Right?
(Cue the burning dog in the stylish fedora.)
The answer, of course, is “no, this is not fine.” I would also accept anything laced with blinding fury and endless profanity.
To think that any one of us is unaffected by recent Supreme Court (“my ass” — Danny DeVito) rulings, is just one more streaming pile of privilege. The reality is that I could easily ignore all the things until I’m the one getting my teeth kicked-in; however, my doing so doesn’t change the fact that many Americans have never known any other life but one in need of constant dental care, the intended underfoot, toothless by design, forever pawns of the system. The beatings will continue until morale is a punchline, morals even more so.
Men, this is about us, too. And even if you’re already mad, get madder. If you’re already loud, get louder. And it shouldn’t be just the proverbial I’m standing for Roe v. Wade for my wife, my sister, my daughter, or wanting to protect the future of Obergefell v. Hodges because Modern Family is a really funny show (it’s so good). Rather, we should all stand for these basic human rights regardless of how many of our best friends are women, because we’re all human, and it’s right, and sometimes we’re kind of basic. When any person is denied the ability to govern their own body, health or heart, something about life, liberty and a pursuit of happiness, then we are all denied. There is no asterisk next to “unalienable,” although, to be fair, I haven’t read the King James Version of the constitution.
The point is, things are very bad, for many Americans they always have been, and they are going to get worse. Democracy has gone the way of the dinosaur, and we live in a country where guns have more rights than people (even some of the corporations that are people), and everything wrong with humanity is calling the shots.
People are going to die. Lots of them.
We are neck-deep in a confluence of bad ideas: toxic masculinity, white supremacy, self-proclaimed Christians who are very far from it, and a war on science, books and education. It is a stream of hate fueled by ignorance and fear, and it is immensely powerful despite going against the current of popular opinion.
I suppose this is where I echo calls to action, the donate/volunteer/vote/protest/campaign/petition chants that are currently filling your inbox, social feeds and unlimited texting plans. Those are all extremely important things, and people far smarter than me are providing many ways to do them. Consider them echoed, where echoes = endorsements. There is plenty of work to be done, and women need not carry that load alone. If you have help to give, give it.
But if I could add another suggestion it would be this, if you are on the fence about letting your kids participate in saving these rights, this democracy, this country—perhaps out of concern that the truth might scare them or that they wouldn’t understand—please talk to them. Let them see your anger and the reason for it. Let them get angry, too. Be an example and provide the tools and opportunities for them to participate as they deem fit. Per usual, we’ve created this mess, and now they’re part of cleaning it up. Maybe increase their allowance.
Our kids deserve a far, far better future than this thing we’ve done, and the rest is on all of us.
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Whit Honea is the co-founder of Dads 4 Change. Deemed “the activist dad” by UpWorthy and one of the “funniest dads on Twitter” by Mashable, he is a contributor to The Washington Post, Fandango, The Modern Dads Podcast and the author of The Parents’ Phrase Book—a family guide to social emotional learning that you should totally buy.
