DADS 4 CHANGE

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Thanksgiving Traditions and a Sip of Confusion

Thanksgiving-sip

“Have a sip.”

It starts easily enough. It is a holiday dinner and there is family and confusion, football in the living room and dogs underfoot. There is wine pouring, fast and often. People are happy, and they are thankful.

Turns out, some of those people are children, and they are as curious as a cat with a bowl cut. They want to know what everyone is drinking, and what it tastes like. There will be questions and there will be answers, and sometimes you won’t be in the room when they happen. Control of the narrative is out of your grasp. It is now held tightly by Aunt Nelly, waving like a pageant, and a glass close to spilling.

Aunt Nelly remembers things differently.

Sip Talk EarlyGenerations Change

“When I was their age,” she may say, or something similar, depending on her level of colloquial ease. “I had a whole glass of wine at Thanksgiving dinner.”

Everything was black and white. Things were different.

“Back in my day,” she will continue, “our parents let us try alcohol so it wouldn’t be taboo.” The taboo will likely linger.

This conversation is probably happening in the pantry, or in the hall outside a bathroom, you calm but firm and her whispering louder than the garbage disposal. She thinks it is going well.

Now is when you can explain that she can’t just give your kid alcohol without talking to you (or other parental figure) first. Perhaps you will tell her that 37% of kids by the age of 8 have had a sip, and that number rises to 66% by the age of 12. If you are familiar with the data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, you may add that most 6-year-old kids know that alcohol is only for adults; however, between the ages of 9 and 13, children start to view alcohol more positively and that many children begin to think underage drinking is okay. Some even start to experiment.

At this point Aunt Nelly may blame Obama.

Conversations Evolve

To be clear, the point isn’t whether or not you think it is okay for your kid(s) to have a sip of alcohol. The point is communication, or the lack thereof.

The fact is, parents may or may not allow their child a sip based on any number of reasons. They might think it is okay to allow kids to try a sip in a safe environment, that it can teach kids to drink responsibly, or that Aunt Nelly is right and a sip at home takes the appeal and/or danger away.

Perhaps Aunt Nelly was passing out shots of Chardonnay at the kids’ table when you were young, and look how awesome you turned out.

Seriously, let’s take a minute and appreciate you. You deserve it.

But back to the booze, research has shown that many of our (yes, I’ve allowed a sip or two) theories on the matter have the opposite effect than what is intended.

Be Responsible and Talk Early

The best thing that we, the parents, can do is to talk to our children before scenarios like the above have a chance to arise. Whether we use helpful information from the good folks at Talk Early, or wing it from the gut, speaking to our kids is everything. Describe the why of drinking, the rules, laws, and effects thereof. Be open and honest, consider the mixed message of allowing children to take a sip. Is it okay to break some laws and not others? Why do alcohol laws exist? How old is Aunt Nelly anyway? Why do the cranberries look like they are trapped inside an invisible can?

Speaking with our kids about the issues better prepares them for the situations they will undoubtedly face.* It’s like training, but with words.

Whether you, yes, you specifically, choose to allow a sip is your own business. The facts are here, and Aunt Nelly isn’t. Take a moment.

 

*Unsolicited parenting advice


This post is in partnership with Responsibility.org and the #TalkEarly campaign. Our collective mission is to eliminate drunk driving and speak to kids about underage drinking; also to promote responsible decision-making regarding the consumption of alcohol. It is a good cause, and while I am compensated as a #TalkEarly Ambassador, my opinions remain my own. Obviously.


Please learn more about Responsibility.org and #TalkEarly by connecting on social media:


Whit HoneaWhit Honea is the co-founder of Dads 4 Change and the Social Media Director of Dad 2.0 Summit. Deemed “the activist dad” by UpWorthy (and one of the “funniest dads on Twitter” by Mashable), he is a regular contributor to The Modern Dads Podcast and author of The Parents’ Phrase Book—a family guide to empathy. Whit has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and is the 2015 winner of the Iris Award for Best Writing.

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